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Zach's Blog - Zach's Zombie Sauce

Zach’s Zombie Sauce Rocks

Our products are made with fresh ingredients, no high fructose corn syrup, artificial flavors, colors or chemical preservatives! Just  Hot Sauces, Marinades, Condiments.. and now Salsa, for hardcore sauce enthusiasts.

ZestFest 2012

Wooohooo! Zach’s will be at ZestFest 2012 (booth 342 up by the stage) in Irving, Texas on Jan 27th through 29th, 2012. Our products are competing in the Fiery Food Challenge,  the longest running and most prestigious competition of zesty products in the industry! 

So this Zombie from Orlando is on it’s way to Texas. Hmmm, wonder if the Disney Store sells cowboy boots? In any event, y’all try to mosey on down and see us.. ya heah?

Enter to win free Hot Sauce

Win Free Hot Sauce: Zach’s Great Zombie Giveaway! Between now and October 15, 2011 you can enter to win a gift pack of Zach’s Zombie Hot, Hot, HOT Sauce products. The thick, smooth, seductive blend of peppery warmth and fine spices that delivers both heat and flavor. Hot Sauces, Marinades and Condiments for hardcore sauce enthusiasts.

Choose from Original Zach’s Zombie Sauce, Genuine Caribbean Zombie Sauce, and Zach’s Wing Sauce. No purchase necessary, 18+ where allowed, Contiguous US + DC. See rules, terms and conditions. Enter at ZachsZombieSauce.com. Two winners will be selected.

The Great Chili Cook-off

  • Posted by
  • Posted in Posts, recipes
  • Posted : August 26th, 2011

If you can read this whole story without laughing until you cry, then there’s no hope for you! This is supposedly based on a real event as told (albeit embellished, perhaps) to paramedics at the Chili Cook-off in San Antonio, Texas.

Note: They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park . Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL .

Frank: ‘Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at the Chili Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge # 3.’

Scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 – MIKE’S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 — Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 – AUSTIN’S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 – FRED’S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick..

Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 — Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting s***-faced from all this beer.

CHILI # 4 – BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC

Judge # 1 — Black bean chili with almost no spice.. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That old lady with the white hair is starting to look HOT … just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 – LISA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really ticked me off when the other judges asked me to stop screaming..

CHILI # 6 – VERA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I want to wipe my rear with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 – SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin,and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing. It’s too painful. Screw it; I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 – BIG TOM’S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili?

Judge # 3 – No Report

The Abomination Burger

Ingredients:
1 pound fresh ground beef
4 slices roasted lamb*
4 slices roasted chicken**
2 eggs
2 hamburger buns
Imported Gouda cheese (or any other cheese you like)
1 teaspoon salt
12 ozs, Zach’s Zombie Marinade
Zach’s Zombie Sauce

Directions
This recipe makes 2 giant burgers
Put the ground beef in a bowl
Form the ground beef into 2 burgers
Put the burgers into a large plastic freezer bag
Take 12 ounces of Zach’s Zombie Marinade and shake it really well
Pour the marinade into the bag with the burgers
Put the bag in the refrigerator and marinate overnight
Remove the burgers from the refrigerator
Grill the burgers on medium high heat
Grill or fry the burgers until they’re as done as you like them
About 2 minutes before the burgers are done, put a slice of cheese on each Cook until the cheese is melted (about 2 minutes)
While the cheese is melting, toast the 2 burger buns and fry the eggs
Remove the burgers from the grill or frying pan and put ‘em on the burger buns
Put 2 slices of chicken on each burger
Put 2 slices of lamb on top of the chicken on each burger
Put the fried egg on top of the lamb
Pour Zombie Sauce on top of the egg
You’re done

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Phone: (407) 680-3818
Sales: orders@zachszombiesauce.com
Other: web@zachszombiesauce.com

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Chili Pepper Trivia

PEPPERS ARE ADDICTIVE! The good news is that you quickly grow tolerant of the heat.

Featured Product

Zach's Sweet Pepper Chutney
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Mailing Address

Zach's Zombie Sauces-Marinades, Inc
P.O. Box 530026
Orlando, FL 32801-0026